Michael J. Bowler

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The Path To Hope

July 11, 2016 By Michael J. Bowler Leave a Comment

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Hope. It comes in many forms and from many sources. It is the cornerstone of a positive, productive life. It is an essential ingredient for all of us, especially kids. Adults must model it. Adults must share it. Adults must embrace it if kids are ever going to. Sadly, our media, for the most part, disdains hope. There are serious problems in our communities, our cities, our country, and our world, but the media is like a flock of vultures feeding off the carrion of human self-absorption, greed, and aggression. It purposely deprives viewers and readers of the most essential ingredient to life—hope. Humans have serious issues that need solutions, but if the populace is constantly fed the message that the sky is falling, that everyone and everything is corrupt, that there is no hope of redemption for the human species, then life might as well be over on this planet because there’s little reason to keep on living. Too many groups make too much money and acquire too much fame with doom and gloom scenarios, from the climate change movement to people in academia to our justice system and, obviously, within the political arena.

There are two things people can do to keep hope alive in their hearts—tune out the media except in small doses, and spend as much time as possible volunteering.

I had the pleasure of helping as a volunteer this past weekend at the Angel City Games held on the UCLA campus in Los Angeles. This event was four days of clinics and coaching and then actual track and field events for people with physical disabilities, mostly children and teens. It was a truly heartening experience to see so many kids un-stacking the deck that life tried unsuccessfully to stack against them and turning their disabilities into very impressive abilities. I saw toddlers throwing the javelin and discus and putting the shot. But the high jump and some of the track events were the highlight of my volunteer time. One seven-year-old named Antonio competed in the 100m, the 400m, and the 1500m in a regular street wheelchair (there were racing chairs available, but he didn’t use one). We clapped and cheered as he finished every race he entered. He came in last, of course. He had short arms and the wrong chair. But he pushed and huffed and puffed his way across that finish line every time. There was no way he was going to quit. It just wasn’t in him. I felt honored to shake Antonio’s hand. That’s a boy who will never allow life to beat him down in any way. There’s no “sky is falling” in him, only hope and the will to succeed. The same can be said of all the child and teen athletes. Badass to the bone!

When I mentioned to a friend that I was volunteering at this event, the first question was, “Do you have someone disabled in your family?” I told him no, though I do have a disability of my own that made participation in sports as a child nearly impossible. But that will be the subject of my next post. Admittedly, most people tend to become involved in “causes” and volunteerism based on someone in their family or circle of friends who draws them in. Thus, there is a vested interest, as it were, to be involved in this or that arena. The Angel City Games were started by the family of a boy who has had a prosthetic leg since he was a toddler and who loves to compete in these kinds of events. They finally decided, rather than travel out of state to have him compete, that they’d start their own annual event, not just for him, but for other disabled children. Awesome. Kudos to this family for starting something that will benefit so many.

But do we always have to have a personal stake to get involved and make some situation better? I argue no. In fact, I strongly advise people to step out of their comfort zones and volunteer in areas they would never encounter in their daily lives. I did this over thirty years ago with incarcerated children, and I’m still there today volunteering my time and meager talents toward helping those desperately needy kids.

Volunteering is a fantastic family activity, too. I saw numerous parents and their kids volunteering at the games over the weekend. People are inherently self-centered, and children will stay that way—they can eventually become egomaniacal selfie kings and queens—unless they are brought out of themselves to see and be part of a larger world. That’s why volunteering at events like this is the perfect family weekend. Kids who may whine about something in their own lives will see other children who have struggled with far worse and rose above that issue or difficulty to triumph and be happy. Watching people work together, and helping those people work together for the betterment of others, is a fundamental key to hope, and it fosters gratitude in both children and adults.

Another aspect of hope the Angel City Games instilled in me was how much “good” technology has created. There’s too much doom and gloom, especially from some the environmental activist crowd, about how technology is destroying the planet (challenge one of those activists, especially a young American, to give up his or her cell phone and Wi-Fi and you’ll likely get the pronouncement that other people are the problem, not him/her). Seeing the incredible prosthetics these athletic children were using at the Games, not to mention the impressive racing chairs, all of which enable them to have full, productive lives, reminded me that technological advances are always more of a help than a hindrance. Despite the activists’ lament, it’s technology that’s the key to reversing the effects of pollution, and technology will allow us to heal the earth, at least as much as humans can ever truly “control” nature, of course. To listen to some in the “activist” crowd, we’re already doomed. If we’re already doomed, why do such organizations keep asking for more and more of our money? I wrote one of my books about the environment and the need for balance on this issue. Not just balance, either, but volunteerism—people voluntarily recycling and using less gas and not throwing away anything useful because it might be outdated, and, number one, sharing their time and material goods with others. It’s working together as a community that solves problems, not donating to this group or that or asking the government to fix everything.

Volunteerism is the key. In the Los Angeles area there are myriad volunteer opportunities every weekend and even on weeknights. It’s not hard to find them – a simple Internet search will do that job. And if there is something you feel passionate about—like beach cleanups or tutoring or visiting elderly people or helping the homeless or visiting incarcerated kids or mentoring children in park programs or within church groups—gather some of your friends together and make it happen. If no one is willing to help, do it yourself and you’ll meet other like-minded people who think about the big picture like you do. I met some very cool people over the weekend, as I always do when I volunteer. I learned about their backgrounds and they about mine. Volunteering breaks down barriers between groups of people and that’s something we need far more of in this country.

I call this path to hope and change “We Over Me” because that is how problems are solved – each one of us has to put our ego aside, stop seeking fame, fortune, and self-aggrandizement, and work hands-on with fellow citizens, no matter what they look like or how different they may appear. This is a major theme in my writing because I know that all of us working together—rather than groups pointing the finger at each other—is the only way our species and our planet will ever heal. The primary ingredient in that healing is hope.

So please, turn off the news, spend minutes, rather than hours, on social media, and get out in your community to volunteer anywhere you can. Bring your children and your friends. Bring your heart and your compassion. Bring an open mind. Let yourself be filled with hope for a change, instead of despair. You will never regret your decision. You and your children will be better for giving of yourselves without expecting anything in return. You won’t become famous. You won’t get rich. But you’ll feel rejuvenated, as I did this past weekend. You’ll have hope in your hearts that humanity isn’t doomed, and you’ll have helped in some small way toward a better future, not just for the people you served, but for all of us.

Antonio
Antonio, seven years old

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Filed Under: #WeOverMe, Raising Healthy Kids, Social Issues Tagged With: #angelcitysports, #trueathlete, Angel City Games, communities working together, disabilities, diversity, doom and gloom scenarios, hope, hope endures, no media, prosthetic limbs, self-aggrandizement, technological advances are mostly good, technology, the sky is falling mentality, volunteerism, volunteerism is the key to hope, weoverme, wheelchair kids

Kids Need Hope More Than Fear

April 22, 2016 By Michael J. Bowler Leave a Comment

Hope EnduresWants versus needs. We humans seem to want everything, but actually need very little. Children need love, safety, security, shelter, clothing, and food. They need to be engaged in character-building activities. They need to be taught how to be decent human beings who accept as an axiom that all life is sacred. They need to be taught that life doesn’t revolve around them, that they are part of a larger world – family, neighborhood, community, city, country, planet – and that they are not entitled to have everything they want. Healthy fear is also a need. It helps protect us from making dangerous choices. However, scaring kids is never a good idea. Irrational “the sky is falling,” “we are doomed,” kind of fear is unhealthy and leads to destructive, rather than constructive, behaviors in kids.

Years ago, many states instituted “Scared Straight” programs as a result of a famous documentary wherein wayward teens were taken to a maximum security prison and threatened by the inmates. They were told horrible things would happen to them should they end up in prison. Several of those teens later ended up incarcerated, one for twenty-five to life in the very same prison where the documentary was filmed. The “scared straight” program didn’t work anywhere it was tried in the country and often proved harmful, likely because it created a self-fulfilling prophecy in the minds of kids who’d already been labeled “bad.” Those kids needed hope, but they were given fear. And it didn’t work.

In some cities, teens are taken to the morgue to view the corpses of drunk driving victims in the hope that they will be scared enough to avoid driving drunk or riding with someone who had been drinking. These programs also proved ineffective, as did all the “Red Asphalt” videos shown to kids in driver’s education classes. Across the board, adults think that scaring kids, and sometimes each other, is the best way to generate positive results. But how can a negative lead to a positive? They are opposites, after all. Kids at all stages of their development need hope much more than they need fear. And so do adults.

Which brings me to the environmental movement, the backdrop of my novel, Warrior Kids. Our careless destruction of the environment and its ancillary effects – climate change – are immense areas encompassing all walks of human life. There’s shifting climate patterns, GMOs, poisoned water, fracking, landfills, oil spills, air pollution, CO2 levels – the list goes on and on. Too often, the environmental movement is about doom and gloom – the sky is falling and we need to act now by donating money to this group or that one. Almost every non-profit involved in the environmental arena says to give money to them because they have the inside track and all the answers. Sadly, people are profiting off of environmental destruction, and I don’t mean the obvious beneficiaries – fossil fuel companies, paper mills, coal producers, natural gas extractors and other industries. I mean people supposedly on the “right” side of the issue. They’re making bank, too, and scaring people in the process.

Climate changes fueled by our abuse of the environment could be the defining issue of the millennium, but just this year a new poll indicated that one-third of Americans don’t think there is any climate change at all, and even if it is happening, they don’t believe anything serious will affect them during their lifetime so they don’t care. It’s the usual selfish, shortsighted aspect of human nature that is the root of all human problems – putting “me” over “we.” And in the case of environmental abuse, adults are putting themselves and their personal comfort zones over the needs of their children and grandchildren. It’s disheartening, to say the least, but real solutions seldom come from the generation that created the problem. Real solutions come from the generation inheriting the problem. In our time, it’s the millennial generation stepping up to defend and restore the planet. Worldwide, kids are standing up for the environment and their generation. But we need to engage and encourage more young people to take an interest in the big picture. We can only do this by giving them hope, not fear.

Kids need to know the sky isn’t falling. They need to know they can help ensure a better future for themselves and their own children yet to be born. This is the message of my novel. The book presents facts about environmental abuse and pollution, presents tangible solutions to some of the issues, and empowers kids to take real action in their homes, schools, communities, and on a national level by mobilizing via social media.

My goal as a lifelong youth leader, mentor, teacher, coach, volunteer has always been to empower kids, to give them hope for a better future, one they can help bring about by their own choices and actions. Scaring kids with environmental tales of doom and gloom over climate change will just paralyze them and lead many to seek out destructive, self-absorbed hedonism because they figure, why not? The world is crumbling and there’s nothing I can do about it, so I might as well have self-serving fun, right? Wrong. There’s plenty kids and adults can do. The most significant action adults can take is to lead by example, to show kids what real power they have, and give them hope, ideas, and motivation to step up and be leaders in their own right.

Kids rule social media. If they wanted, they could crash the congressional servers with demands for action. They can work within their schools to make them more environmentally friendly. They can do the same in their communities. They can petition their mayors and city council people to take real action on issues that affect them now and will impact them in the future.

Youth have an innate capacity for hope. I’ve worked with so many kids over the years whose childhoods have been hell on earth. You wouldn’t wish their lives on the evilest of humans. And yet they still have hope that the future can be better, that they can still have happy, productive lives. They continually remind me that life is sacred and all life is a gift. Hope needs to be nurtured in children and teens, not scared out of them because adults have an agenda they want to push or profit from. Even when the motives of adults are pure, if the methodology is wrong, the adult is wrong. Period.

It comes back to wants versus needs. Too many people want to be celebrities and be famous. Some are using the environmental crisis as a springboard to fame and self-aggrandizement. Conversely, many in the environmental arena are genuinely concerned and seek not to profit from the problem, nor become famous as a result of it. But people need to closely examine each organization they consider supporting, especially where their kids are concerned. Parents should make sure that their kids are not following “It’s all about me” environmentalists or they will lose even more hope because they’ll see selfishness and greed that isn’t any different from that exhibited by big industry and big government. Hypocrisy in arenas that impact the lives of children is beyond disturbing, but sadly it exists across the board. Between the self-absorbed environmentalists and the fear-mongering ones, kids can feel overwhelmed and paralyzed and hopeless.

Parents and honorable adults must lead by example and direct kids toward real solutions to all of life’s problems. In my fictional story, the adults do this – they lead by example, they model “we” over “me” thinking, and they refuse to allow the “cause” to be all about them. As a result, the millions of children and teens who follow them do the same. It’s not difficult to choose “we” over “me,” but it might take daily practice to shift one’s consciousness in that direction.

Try this experiment for yourself and your family: commit to one day per week – the same day every week – during which you will consciously choose “we” over “me” from the moment you wake up until you go to sleep that night. In other words, throughout that day look for every opportunity to serve the needs of others in some fashion. This could translate into being more focused on recycling, not using Styrofoam cups, not throwing away food or useful items – all of these and every other environmentally friendly action clearly helps other people by helping the planet. Or you could commit to helping individual people in some way – people in the community, school, or the workplace. There is always someone who has less than we do and always someone who needs assistance of some kind. For you kids, it could be reaching out to that student who is super shy, or even super annoying, and extending a hand of friendship. The possibilities are endless. If everyone on the planet adopted this idea – to not self-obsess one day per week – can you envision how much better the world would become overnight? It would be transformative. Please try this out for yourself. Commit to this experiment for one month. My guess is that you will find such innate joy and hope in choosing “we” over “me” that you will continue well beyond that month. And I predict you will add more days of “we” over “me” to your weekly schedule.

Hope. It comes in many forms and from many sources. It is the cornerstone of a positive, productive life. It is an essential ingredient for all of us, especially kids. Adults must model it. Adults must share it. Adults must embrace it. I have always done my best to share hope with even the most damaged kids I know. And they continue to share their hope with me. It’s that “we” over “me” mentality. When we look out for the needs of each other, everybody wins.

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Filed Under: Raising Healthy Kids Tagged With: environment, fame, fear, fundraising, future, greed, health, honesty, hope, kids, mentoring, pollution, selfaggrandizement, selfishness, selflessness, society, teens, truth, weoverme, youth empowerment

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